From Peter Pereira (or rather others, via Peter): Just go to Google and type in "(YOUR NAME) NEEDS" and collect the first lines from the first page of hits. These were my results:
Brian needs assistance (I don't live in New Orleans, but hey...)
Brian needs food, badly.
Brian needs your help for charity.
Brian needs an upgrade.
Brian needs to show what he brings to the table and the contribution he can make before we can give him more leads, more connections.
Brian needs to communicate more effectively and stop being negative.
Now what Brian needs is our prayers.
I was just procrastinating before doing another round of submissions, or rather (oops!) assertions. Weirdly spot-on.